Marriage Time/Confusion Time???

Now here we try to provide you with such information that will help you guide you to figure out the Mr/Mrs Right for you! Many of are at that...

Now here we try to provide you with such information that will help you guide you to figure out the Mr/Mrs Right for you!

Many of are at that point of time when it is appropriate for them to find out crucial information about someone they are thinking of continuing to date. They want to know early on if they should invest the time and energy that a quality relationship requires. My answer most often is: “When you are not yet invested in the outcome.” That means as early in a new relationship as you can. Their next obvious concern is the kinds of questions they should want answered.

There are many things you could ask that would gain you the information you need, but there are ten potent and successful data gathering questions that successfully begin the process of really knowing who someone is. Because they are deeply intimate inquiries, it is also important that you approach your potential partner from authentic curiosity and a love of mutual exploration.

If you both are interested in knowing what you can expect from each other in an intimate, long-term relationship, you should be readily willing to be just as open in return. Being willing to be as honest as you are able will give you the best chance of creating a heads-up as to what your chances of success are down the line.

Following are some questions that are often successful initiators of a strong beginning, along with some explanations and examples. As you go through them, explore what your own reactions and answers would be were you to be on the other end of someone who is looking for the same kind of genuine intimacy.

What are you like when you don’t get what you want?

We all are likely to have specific desires of our partners that are unlikely to be met over time. Those disappointments often result in frustration and sadness.
People who are flexible, confident, and innovative don’t react with anger, pushiness, or attempts to control. Instead, they will talk about why their request is important to them, or offer to negotiate by giving something in return. If nothing works, they depend on their own resources and don’t punish.

If you disagree with your partner about something important, what tactics do you typically use to convince him or her to be on your side?

Disagreements happen in all relationships. People come from diverse backgrounds with multiple layers of both painful and treasured memories that are manifested in each new partnership.
As people get to know each other, they encounter biases and prejudicial attitudes of their partner’s attitudes and behaviors. Depending on how deeply entrenched those preferences are, either partner may use a number of behaviors to get the other person to see it his or her way.

If your partner asks you for something you can’t or don’t want to give, do you blame him or her for wanting it from you?

People who tend towards thinking they should automatically provide whatever their partners wants can feel that they are not measuring up if they can’t, or may not want, to provide it.
To feel less guilty, they often are upset they are put in that position at all and blame their partners for wanting it in the first place. That is especially true of new lovers who want to be everything to each other. Sometimes what one person wants is simply not available from the other, despite deep feelings of love. Blame should never be the response.

Are you open to new ways of looking at things even if they conflict with your own opinions?

New lovers typically focus on the ways they feel the same about everything. They want one heartbeat, one dream, and one path. They will tend to ignore or suppress any major differences that could threaten that mutual reality.
Yet, eventually they will surface. When confronted with a new idea that may challenge an established view, most partners will do whatever they can to resolve their differences as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, that may not always be a relationship-positive response. Couples with the best chance to work through those disparate ideas listen very carefully to each other before they respond.

When something is important to you, what techniques do you most often use to get your partner to do what you want?

When people have strong desires for something they want and are concerned that their partners may not be willing to give it to them, their responses can run the gamut from pouting, withholding, pushiness, charm, irritation, disconnection, martyrdom, negotiation, or begging.
The partners on the other end may have equivalent responses learned from their own past relationship, emotional baggage that can greatly influence the outcome.

When you feel disconnected from your partner, what do you usually do to get back together?

Disconnections between lovers are all too common and, if not resolved, can result in a growing gap between them. When confronted with too much frustration or threat, some people retreat to their corners to lick their emotional wounds, waiting for the other to come forth and apologize, or, at least, a peace offering of some kind. Others leave and figure things out on their own, hopefully to come back when they feel ready to connect again.
Sometimes, both partners harden in their righteousness and only return when they can no longer bear being apart. Without resolution, there have been no lessons learned and the pattern is too likely to happen again. Too often, it is only one of the partners who tries to get things back on track, and that imbalance will hurt the relationship over time.

Are you honest with your partner about what you need in a relationship?

Too often in my office I hear, “I can’t tell him that. He’d never open up to me again.” Or, “She’s way too sensitive to what I have to say. She’ll just get angry, and then cry. I always end up saying what she wants to hear.”
New lovers generally intuit what the other wants. They only ask for what they feel will be perceived by the other as appropriate or has the best chance of being granted. That is what gives them the invisible halo of a perfect match. Over time, other desires are bound to emerge whether covert or overt. If people can’t be honest up front with what they want from an intimate partner, they will present only what they feel will be accepted. That foundation of inauthenticity is a fragile one.
Honesty is not an excuse for meanness or attack. It is merely a means to convey a person’s true nature and what makes them happy. Without that information, no partner can know how to give what is needed.

Are you trustworthy?

Most people immediately think of infidelity, but infidelity is only a subset of breaking an agreement that two people have, at one time, made in earnest. Those contracts are always open to negotiation, but never to intentional welching on the deal. In great relationships, both partners honor an altar place of their own creation, something greater than themselves that both willingly adhere to. That altar place is the faith of their relationship, a place of behavior and though that both hold sacred.
If either partner “breaks that faith,” they are being unfaithful to that which they have agreed.
Passive-aggressive behavior, promise-breaking, repeated excuses over failed compliancy, and secret behaviors where the other partner doesn’t get to vote, are all severe breaches of trust. Of course, there are special circumstances, but they are neither consistent nor frequent, and they lead to creating a new foundation where trust is stronger.
Trust is the crucial foundation of any good friendship, business partnership, or intimate relationship.

Do you hold on to resentments?

It is crucial that the partners in an intimate relationship do not get behind on their emotional credit cards. If they store up resentments without resolution, they will eventually have all the evidence they need to withhold love and wait for the other to “pay back” before they consider opening back up again.
Resentments pile up and feed upon themselves. They can exponentially grow until there may not be a way home again. Most people who keep a stockpile of old hurts and disappointments have learned that behavioral pattern in childhood. It can be changed, but only with commitment and hard work.

How do you most typically express your love for someone?

It is almost a given that men often express their love sexually and by behavioral caretaking, and women by emotional tracking and anticipation of their lover’s needs. If each agrees that those expressions are received and appreciated, there isn’t a problem. But when either is more sexual, more in need of emotional sustenance, more affectionate, or more interested in hanging out than the other, then those differences are likely to result in disappointments and disillusionments.

Often it is just a matter of teaching each other what someone means by certain behaviors or asking more specifically for what works. Other times, each partner must translate what the other says or does to appreciate love expressed differently that might feel more fulfilling.

It is important to remember and accept that showing love in a way the other doesn’t feel or need it may not have the positive results that are desired. Often partners will show love in a way they would like it and not take the time to translate their words and behaviors into those their partners will experience as loving. Open communication is never more important than in the ways love is expressed and experienced.

Some More questions that you may ask People to get a hint of their personality and get to know whether they are the kind beings you were searching out for are:-

1) Plans post-marriage

2) Ask about his religious inclinations

3) Ask about his expectations from you

4) Their likes and dislikes

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?

8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?

9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?

10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?

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